Our Hard Journey

I choose you!

I seen this poem one day while I was sitting in the hospital and it just touched my heart. I would choose Doug everyday all over again good times and bad. He was my guy, my big guy as I called him that. He always made me feel safe, and very loved. Doug's testimony never failed, he always knew the church was true, and he knew our Heavenly Father was always there for him. Prayer is a very powerful thing and he believed in it.

This journey began April 27, Doug got up to go to work not feeling good then ended up coming home. I got home his blood sugar was over 600, we went to Preston to the emergency lots of pain in his stomach. His sugar level was over 800 when we got there and they did a CAT scan, he was bleeding internally. Ambulance ride to Pocatello. They stopped the bleeding, and he had a mass on his liver that was cancer. By stopping the bleeding they had shut off the blood supply to the mass so it was dying and radiation was the next step.

We were home for a few days, when his stomach all swelled up, he had a beach ball under there. Back to the hospital we went. He had more tests, and he had a blockage in his intestines and colon. Nothing to do with the other problem. We were there for our 38th wedding anniversary, and Mothers Day. After about 8 days they got things moving  along, we were going home. Doug lost a lot of weight and energy, but he was determined and did good being able to come home.

You do a lot of time reflecting on things when your scared. This is Doug after we were married, and he rocked those sideburns and mustache.

Doug was always the joker, he had such a quick wit about him. He kept me on my toes!

This was a trip we took to Jackson Hole skiing. It was so fun with his brother Kent and his future wife Barbra.

After we built our home, Doug loved having his own land, to raise animals on. You can never take the country out of a country boy, nor would you want to. I surprised him with a new pitchfork, all he needed now was a tractor. He got that for Christmas, in a matchbox size. But he cherished that little tractor, always had it on his desk at work.

We went whitewater rafting with his family, I'm right in front, Doug's behind me and I think he could have had a heart attack that day thinking I was going to fly out of that boat.

Doug got a lot of smack over the years cause he was a car salesman. He loved talking to people and he was good at it. But someone brought this cartoon in to give it to Doug to tease him and we laughed about this for awhile. But, he was the most honest car salesman I ever met.

One of our favorite trips was to Costa Rica twice. It is so beautiful there! Plus, we were able to go to the San Jose Temple a highlight of the trip.

He had such a lovable face, the dolphins liked to kiss it!

Reading a letter from me on his mission in Tennessee Nashville Mission.

This as a few months before he left on his mission.

Shortly after we got married, Doug started to manage a army surplus store. He was able to set up the new archery department with shooting lanes. That got us into shooting on a league for couples. It was a blast! But the newspaper did an article on the league, and the new department and this was the picture they had on the cover. I think Doug got every one of his brothers into bow hunting.

Speaking of hunting, this hat looks so cute on Michaela. But seriously this hat is scary. I bought a new one for Doug cause this one is so gross but it was his lucky hat and would not get rid of it. I'm pretty attached to it now cause it was Doug.

As we were looking through pictures I did not have a picture with Doug and his hat. Doug's brother Gordon gave me these pictures and he has his hat on. This is Doug and Buckie, his brother Travis, and Kenny Rawlings on Tonto. Buckie and Tonto were on a lot of hunting trips together.

Michaela was asking me if Dad still had his mission badge, and I was able to find it. Look at the changes 37 years apart.

I got a great message sent to me the day of Doug's viewing, it was from a Elder that Doug served with when he was a zone leader. Doug and Elder Braiden are on the left, he shared some fun stories from there mission. Doug was a very competitive guy, He won two things, one who could eat the most biscuits and gravy. Plus, who could lose 25 lbs. 

I think he is a pretty handsome little guy! I had never seen these cute pictures. Love these!!!

Back to this journey, after 2 weeks of being home things were going good. We met with the cancer doctors and were getting a plan to deal with the cancer. When his stomach all swelled up again. I called the ambulance, cause he was in so much pain. We got back to Pocatello, more tests! This time his colon had perforated. They had to do surgery and he was not a good candidate for it. They ended up taking, part of his colon, and intestine. They left his stomach open for 3 days to drain all the stuff out cause he had gone septic. I got the talk that nobody wants to get, that he probably won't make it through the night. He was fighting so hard, they needed to have him rest so intubated him. After the 3 days they went back in to sew him up and discovered he had a hole in his stomach from the stress his body was under, so they had to fix that too. They woke him up and he did good for a day but his lungs were struggling and had fluid in them. Doug wanted to be intubated again, so they did and 2 days later they took the tube out and he was able to breathe great on his own, prayers answered. The next problem, when you go septic, it starts shutting down your organs. His kidneys took a big hit. They kept saying we will do dialysis and that will help jump start his kidneys. I will tell you that dialysis is so hard on people. He retained so much water that they did it to get some of the water off. At one point they took about 80 lbs. of water off his body over the course of a week and a half. His body hurt like no other, plus all the medication, 13 iv pumps, were affecting other parts of his body. Fingers and toes, when the body is fighting like his was it will let those kind of things go.

Then, while I was up there this happened! Our Bishops wife Cylista called me, and thank you again! She was going to bring him up for me, but he had a bad concussion, and the ambulance was a better idea. Lucky, Michaela had just got off work, so she followed the ambulance up to Pocatello. If you're wondering, I was a mess! Both my guys in the hospital, is there any bubble wrap around?

Dalton had a concussion, 40 stitches in his face, a fractured nose, and a scraped up hand. That cute face took a beating. The front tire came off the bike. So thankful for this community we live in that looks after each other and always helps with anything. Cylista, Nikka, and Doug Balis for bringing his bike home. Many wonderful people that helped and comforted him!

This is the day when everyone came to see Doug, some got a good visit and some he slept through. This is Doug's brother Kent, his Irish twin. They were 16 months apart and had a great visit that day. This is also the day, that he told me he was ready to go home. He fought a hard battle and his body was very tired and not responding well. He kept wanting a kiss and told me he would never let go of my hand. In the last week, I know he is there watching over us and holding my hand. 

My sweetheart passed away June 29, 2022, at 11:52 with his family by his side. He let me know he was there; Michaela was driving home around 1;30. I had been up for 24 hrs. and I felt he told me to have her slow down, she wasn't speeding but it was Doug's way of looking out for us. She slowed down like her Dad wanted. He had wonderful nurses and doctors, one nurse gave me a little bottle with his heartbeat in it. I cherish it.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I'm too young and so was Doug. You always think you have all this time, and then time is gone. These 2 are so important to me and have been my rock. So thankful that I know we will be together again, and we have an amazing guardian angel.

We got a sitter for my Mom, when she is out of her normal places, she has a hard time. Plus, it made it so my super Dad was there for me. Selfish I know but, he is my other rock. At 88, he is my superman! 

All of Doug's brothers, my brothers and his sister and amazing Mom have been so wonderful and supportive through all of this, love them so much!

Michaela and Matt, yes, I think there is something there!

Kenny and Denice have been friends for many years, many trips together and lots of laughs and tears! Love you both!

My dear sweet friends, Heather and Galen Alvey! She has been so amazing, we have worked together for 20 plus years, and she has done so much. Lots of meals, a shoulder to cry on and so much more. Love you both!

Family and friends are truly what gets you through these hard journeys. Family, friends, neighbors, and I have some of the best there is. Doug's funeral was great and I'm so thankful to all those that helped me. A funny story, we were planning the funeral and we are not talented in the music department, Michaela said," I will call Joy and see if she knows someone in the family that sings". I heard, I will ask Joy if she will sing!  I laughed, and said you ask the old grey mare (Joy calls herself that) if she will sing. So, Michaela sent a text, laughing! She gets one back, WHAT!  Then the phone rings, doll face I can't carry a tune in a bucket!!!! Our sweet neighbors, Dan and Jodi Lewis and family sang for us and did this perfect song, "The Test".  Thank you so much to everyone that has been on this journey with us, we couldn't have done it without you!

The Test

Tell me friend, why are you blind?
Why doesn't He who worked the miracles
Send light into your eyes?
Tell me friend if you understand
Why doesn't He with power to raise the dead
Just make you whole again?

It would be so easy for Him
I watch you and in sorrow question why
Then you my friend in perfect faith reply

Didn't He say He sent us to be tested?
Didn't He say the way would not be sure?
But didn't He say that we could live with Him forevermore
Well and whole, if we but patiently endure?
After the trial, we will be blessed
But this life is the test

Tell me friend, I see your pain
Why when you pray in faith for healing
Does the crippling thorn remain?
Help me see if you understand
Why doesn't He who healed the lame man
Come with healing in His wings?

It would be so easy for him
I watch you and in sorrow question why
Then you my friend in perfect faith reply

Didn't He say He sent us to be tested?
Didn't He say the way would not be sure?
But didn't He say we could live with Him forevermore
Well and whole, if we but patiently endure?
After the trial, we will be blessed
But this life is the test

Tell me love, why must you die?
Why must your loved ones stand with empty arms
And ask the question why?
Help me know so I can go on
How when your love in faith sustained me
Can the precious gift be gone?

From the depths of sorrow I cry
Though pangs of grief within my soul arise
The whisperings of the Spirit still my cries

Didn't He say He sent us to be tested?
Didn't He say the way would not be sure?
But didn't He say we could live with Him forever more
Well and whole, if we but patiently endure?
After the trial, we will be blessed
But this life is the test